If you know me well, you know that my Mom and I are not close. We live a great distance apart, and it is hard to schedule visits. Add in that Mom had an aneurism when I was 16 and is brain damaged... not able to fully care for herself, or to carry on a conversation without fading into the past... well, it makes for a unique relationship.
I am also struggling right now because Mom is ill. She has a UTI and a lesion they discovered during her head CT scan. Given her history with aneurisms-- this makes us all nervous. My father passed away when I was 28 and my dd had just turned 2. After this... all that is left is my siblings.
Mom was born in NY. She was the daughter of a father who left her and an alcoholic mother. To say the least, her childhood memories are the stuff of tell all books. However, Mom's never been one to dwell on that. The stories I remember her telling are the ones about her Grandfather Peter James McNally-- he worked as a stage director in NY theatre and met all the greats of that day.
I love her... and I'll be both relieved and grieved when she passes on. Relieved because I think sometimes she knows she is not able to be all she once was... and I think it hurts her at those times to be so dependent. Grieved because the hope of a miraculous recovery and a true mother daughter relationship will be over.
See... my Mom doesn't remember my birthday, or other events... and she doesn't send cards or gifts. She doesn't remember the kids on their days either. Now, I say this not because I blame her or her caregivers... I say it because this is the hope that passes on when she goes. The hope of a "normal" relationship will be gone.
On the other hand... that hope is only gone here... who knows but what when we meet in heaven, the relationship may be all I wanted for and more. Yes, I am certain Mom will go to heaven. She is now as a child... and Jesus told us that is what we must become to enter the kingdom. So I have no worries there.
Sorry for the down post...
Be Blessed... and if you can... give your Mom (or the most Momlike person you know) a call!
Grace
3 comments:
((((grace))))
I am sorry to hear about your mom, but I am thankful that she had one person who gave her good childhood memories.
Grace it is not really a "down" post. It is a post from a loving, caring woman, to those who take their mom's for granted.
I have been where you are. My mom has a stroke when I was 10, I watched it happen. She spent 5 years in a nursing facility, and died the year I turned 15.
Grace, the important thing is, that through it all, your mom knows you love her. Never under estimate the power of the knowledge.
hugs sweetie
mel
Grace, keeping you in my prayers!!!
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