Sunday's Score!

Well, actually... it isn't about a score that I made... although I did do very well on a recent thrift shopping excursion. :) Actually, I wanted to post about a disturbing trend that I find both irl and also among some folks I know on the interwebs. That trend is... keeping score.

Keeping score is a dangerous practice. It leads to discontent, and to developing the resentment flu. It is hard to avoid though. It is a part of our human nature, and it seems to have particular resonance for women.

When Martha chastised Mary for not helping... she was keeping score. She, in effect, said, "I've done more than you. I deserve a higher score." Jesus didn't think so, though. Why? Because He wasn't keeping score. If He did keep score, we'd all have lost the game a long time ago.

It can be easy especially in our intimate relationships to focus on what we do, and not on what is done for us. I know women upset (and I used to be one) because their husbands don't wash dishes, or put babies to bed, or what have you... but they (and I) forget... this is the same man who works 40+ hours a week, takes care of oil changes, mows the lawn etc. We don't give points for the hours in the work week.

Part of the issue is that men and women score things differently. For example, dh could wash the dishes and I'd count that a point. So would he. However, if he takes me out to dinner and a night of jazz... he figures that's a hundred points and he waits for me to catch up in my scoring. :) That's not how I score it though... I'm still only giving that 1 point. So, if we're going to keep score...we need to get on the same page with the values, or we aren't playing by the same rules and everyone gets hurt.

If we are to forgive a brother or sister 70 x7, don't we owe it to our spouses to stop keeping score? Or at least to let them know our ranking system? We are different, men and women, and thank God for that! It does mean that our scores will never be identical.

We need to move past this mindset of "I've done everything for you and you've done nothing for me" to quote Rick Springfield from back in the day. We need to stop adding up what we've done and start looking at what others have done for us. Or better yet... throw away the scorebook... give up tit for tat.

If we do toss the scorebook away and just do for others, including our spouses, because it springs out of our hearts filled with love... I can promise that we will see and reap the rewards. As individuals, we still may not win, but as a family... we're assured the gold medal.