I've really been pondering, due to some questions on another site, why it is that Christian people would choose to get married if they are reluctant as it seems many are... to actually follow the biblical plan. I see a lot of... but that's abuse! Or, why should he care what I eat, wear, listen to, etc.? Isn't that controlling?
Let's see what God has to say about it... God tells us in Ephesians 5 to submit to our husbands. He tells us in Colossians to submit to our husbands. He tells us in 1 Peter 3 to submit to our husbands. He doesn't anywhere ever tell us that we can decide it is abusive or controlling.
However, He also tells our husbands some things. Namely, to love their wives as their own bodies, that whoever loves his wife also loves himself Ephesians 5. Now... why would a good Christian man then order his wife to eat something that made her sick? That would go against all the teachings, right??
I'm curious... at what point do you decide you don't really trust the person you are married to? At what point do you say... wow, I fell for an abusive jerk. That I think is the issue more than when does it become abuse...
The question is really... when or how do you establish enough trust in your spouse or in your God to use your spouse to truly direct your life? Honestly. I'll admit... the longer I'm married the easier it is to trust because I've seen God honor my submission. I know it's harder just setting out in a marriage.
So... is it abusive if he wants me to wear only navy blue? No. I would assume he thinks it's a good color for me to wear. If he wants me to try a food I'm afraid will make me sick, will I do it? Yes. I'll try it. If he doesn't want me to listen to certain radio programs, will I avoid them? Yes, again.
The thing is... submission is not about doing what *I* want. It is about doing what is right. It is about doing what is needed and doing so joyfully. I'm not perfect... but if I don't have that faith and trust on the little things...??? How can I ever have it on the big ones?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
One thing I have observed in the traditional marriages of those around me, is the more a wife reacts negatively to being "controlled" the more the husband attempts to control. Not abusive, but seeming to want more authority and/or recognition as the family head. I have found this to be true in my own marriage, as well. If I am rejecting his requests or not listening to his opinion, than he'll be much more likely to offer stronger opinions or pronouncements.
I don't find that a husband caring about the clothing or food or entertainment of his wife to be silly or controlling. I do not always know why my own husband cares about such things, but I do know that not listening as brought me grief in many different ways. I had to learn to trust that he had my best interests at heart. If I can't trust that, my marriage has problems. We'll be fighting over which way to go when I can(and should) just listen, submit, and discuss(as needed-I think some things do need follow up questions, but I think that can be done without being rebellious or willful to my husband's headship.
OK, sorry to write such a book!
Absolutely! Communication is key. Sometimes we discuss certain things over and over again. Some issues need to be revisited... and others don't.
Thanks for your thoughts, Nicole!
I think the problem would come if maybe you were not a Christian when you got married, and were (after being saved) trying to make a better marriage for yourself and your spouse. That is when submission comes at its hardest. Not everyone marries mister wonderful and sometimes they don't even realize it until its too late. Sad but true.
Post a Comment